The Switcheroo Flu
by trashstiel
Summary: INDEFINITE HIATUS. Yuki and Sasuke contract a strange illness that causes them to... Gen, warnings for language.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, peeps and peep-ettes! My name is internal chaos, and I will be your authoress for today. If you would kindly divert your attention downward, you will see the perfect example of what happens when you take a girl from the middle of nowhere who likes to read and show her what fanfiction is. What's that? Is it dangerous? Well, it can be, but we have trained this fanfic, so it is perfectly harmless. So please, read it! And afterwards, if you give it reviews, maybe we'll see some little chapters scurrying around! Won't that be nice?

**Disclaimer:** The poor fanfiction author is often preyed upon by the much wealthier lawyer-wielding people…

---

It was a beautiful morning out. A rooster hailed the sun on its daily journey across the sky. Indoors, a young boy expressed his joy at being alive.

"Shit."

Sasuke dragged himself out of bed, cursing when his half-asleep leg gave out underneath him, causing him to plummet to the floor. Stumbling slightly, he made his way to the kitchen. He then made his breakfast, ignoring the destruction he was causing. While picking at his pancakes, he contemplated on how he was feeling. A puddle seemed to be a good description. A throbbing, aching puddle. There was also an orchestra playing in his head, and not a very good one at that. He wanted to shrivel up and die. Screw Itachi. He was miserable.

Sasuke wondered why he was feeling this way. Had he gotten drunk again? No, he hadn't been near any sake since the "incident". Maybe he was sick. Yes, his forehead was a tad warm. Well, nothing a little rest couldn't cure. Yes, peace and quiet, that sounded good. No Naruto screaming in his ear-

"Hey Sasuke, where the hell are you!"

_The gods insist on tormenting me._

_-_

Birds were chirping. Water was running somewhere in the house, making a soothing noise. Shigure was howling in his ear. It was truly a beautiful morning.

Wait a minute.

Yuki slowly sat up, taking care not to collide with Shigure, who was leaning over his bed. He immediately regretted this course of action, as his head gave an immense throb.

"Wha's wrong, 'Gure?" asked Yuki groggily.

Shigure grinned so widely it looked like his face was about to split in half. "What's wrong? You're missing a beautiful morning, lying there in bed. Shame on you, Yuki!"

Yuki would have taught Shigure the meaning of "pain", but he was in far too much of it himself to do more than wave halfheartedly in his general direction. "Not today, Shigure," he moaned.

Tohru's head appeared in the doorway. "Shigure-san, is Sohma-san awake yet?" She spotted Yuki and noticed he was looking almost as flushed as the time he had walked in on her while she was taking a shower. After checking that all he clothes were on properly, she realized the source of the problem. She rushed to the bedside and put a hand on his forehead. "Sohma-san, you have a fever! Oh dear. You'd better stay home and get some rest."

Yuki was about to agree and kick Shigure out of his room, when Shigure spoke up, dashing any hope of him getting peace and quiet. "Nonsense, Tohru-kun. Yuki needs to get to school. You don't want him to stay in bed and have his brain rot, do you?"

This frightened Tohru greatly. She never knew someone's brain could rot from missing a day of school! "Oh no, of course not! Sohma-san, forgive me, but the fever is mild and you really need to get to school!" Tohru made a mental note to never miss school again.

Kyo appeared in the doorway, yelling as usual and causing Yuki's head to hurt even more. "C'mon, ya damn rat, we're gonna be late!"

_The gods insist on tormenting me._

**to be continued...**

_---_

**Author's Note:** A product of extreme boredom, and the sadistic desire to see someone in pain. Read and review, please!

**Edit:** Forgive me, wonderful readers. I am suffering from First Fanfic Disease (FFD), which causes me to forget things in my excitement. I didn't want to make Tohru so stupid, I really respect her. Unfortunately, if she didn't say that, I wouldn't be able to put Yuki in the suffering I had planned for him (if you've ever been to school while sick, you know what I'm talking about). I'M SORRY! I DESERVE TO BURN IN HELL!!! *cries*

Also, a big thanks to **Lady Rosinsniffer** for pointing that out.


	2. Chapter 2

Hiya, peoples! Miss me?

*ducks under rain of staples*

Haha! You nutty readers! Anywho, I wanna give a biiiig thanks for all the reviews. You brightened my day and made this whole thing worthwhile. You also reminded me to get off my lazy butt and work. ;-;

**Disclaimer:** I want to say that other than not owning Naruto and Fruits Basket, I also don't own Quack-san. He belongs to the awesome people at 9th Elsewhere (a webcomic).

However, I do own Itachi's bunny p.j.s.

---

Naruto burst through the door, shining even brighter than the sun behind him and causing Sasuke to shade his eyes. "_There_ you are! We were getting kinda worried, 'specially when Kakashi showed up before you, and Sakura was freaking, so I said 'I'll get him!', but you weren't at Ichiraku Ramen, so I came here, and you better get dressed or you'll miss practice and are those bunnies on your pajamas?" He ended his run-on sentence on a confused note, for which Sasuke was extremely grateful. _I always knew Itachi's old pajamas would come in handy._

Naruto looked like he was going to start talking again, so Sasuke scrambled to answer. "Yes, they are bunnies. Do you have a problem with that?" His tone said that if he did, he would also have other problems to deal with, courtesy of a pissed-off Sasuke.

Naruto shook his head, smiling brightly (too brightly, in Sasuke's opinion). "Nah. Mine have ducks on them. They remind me of Quack-san."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Quack…san?"

Naruto pulled a yellow rubber duck out of his blindingly orange jacket and displayed it proudly. "My rubber ducky! He doubles as a cell phone, you know." He flipped it over and showed him the bottom, which was covered in buttons. "I also got him to turn into an MP3 player once, but I forget how." He turned it a back over and started prodding it. "Quack-san, do you remember?"

Sasuke was silent, wondering if Naruto had always been this weird, or this was just the way his fevered mind was processing things. He waved it off. "Naruto, I can't come to practice today. I'm sick." He coughed pointedly.

Naruto almost dropped Quack-san when he heard this. "What! Not coming? _You?_ You've _never_ missed practice! Not even that time when you came in and your right arm was completely purple!"

"Naruto, for the millionth time, I was painting my room and I spilled some on my arm. I was _not_ sick."

"Then how come it didn't come off? How do you explain that, huh?" Naruto crossed his arms and smirked, convinced he had won.

Sasuke massaged his forehead. His migraine could now be compared to a small earthquake. "It was _permanent_ paint. You know, so it would _stay on the wall._"

Naruto scowled and fell silent, causing Sasuke to foolishly think he had won and was going to get the rest he desired. However, this was not to be.

"Oh, I get it. You're just afraid I'll kick your ass today."

Sasuke looked back up from his pancakes. Naruto was wearing a smug little grin that irritated Sasuke to no end. "Idiot. I could beat you on my deathbed."

"Oh yeah? Prove it." Naruto's smirk grew and he lowered his voice slightly. "Unless of course you aren't _feeling up to it._ Don't worry, I understand."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed slightly. Normally, he wouldn't give in to Naruto's mockery, but he was already irritated because of his fever. He didn't need him adding to it. He got up, got dressed and said, "All right, let's go."

Naruto's face broke into a big smile. "Great!" Before Sasuke could react, he grabbed his arm and dashed toward the training grounds. In his weakened state, he couldn't break Naruto's grip or run with him, so he had to settle with being dragged along, swearing all the way.

-

Yuki came stumbling down the stairs, trying hard not to trip. He was a mess. His hair was sticking up in some places, since halfway through combing it he had gotten tired and had to stop. He wasn't wearing a tie, since he couldn't remember how to tie it and he had misplaced all his clip-ons. There were large circles under his eyes, and all together, he looked like one of the undead. He had slept in too long, so he had to go without breakfast (that was a good thing, since he probably would have fallen asleep in it). Currently, he was walking to school with Kyo (who actually seemed cheerful for once) and Tohru (who was skipping along and humming something), trying not to drag his feet and fall behind.

There was a minature sun hovering over Tohru's head, casting light and happiness wherever she went. It noticed the mini rain cloud hovering over Yuki's head, and signaled to Tohru to go over to him.

"Hello Yuki!" Tohru skipped over to Yuki, both her and her ball of light smiling brightly. Yuki shielded his eyes and his cloud hissed at the sun and bared its fangs, causing the sun to cower behind Tohru. Her smile dropped a few notches. "Um… Yuki? Are… are you all right?"

Yuki started and came out of a deep trance. "Wha? Oh, yeah, Tohru. Yeah, 'm fine." He trailed off and looked sideways, sniffling absentmindedly.

Kyo bounded up to them, because he was bored. "What's taking you guys so long? And what's up with the rat? He seems even more sluggish than usual."

"Hmm…" Tohru looked at Yuki closely, who was unable to focus on her and seemed on the verge of passing out in the middle of the sidewalk. "I think his fever is worse than I thought."

"Hmmm..." Kyo leaned in as well, taking in other various clues to his sickness. "I think you're right."

"Get your faces out of mine or I'll throw up on them," Yuki said dully. Tohru and Kyo jumped about a foot back, and Yuki pushed past them and continued along the path, swaying a bit. Tohru looked at Kyo worriedly and called out to Yuki's retreating back, "Yuki, wait!"

"What?!" he snapped as if she had just insulted him deeply.

"You're going the wrong way, dipshit. School's this way." Kyo jabbed his thumb behind his back and smirked. He was thoroughly enjoying Yuki's brain-dead state.

"Oh." All traces of anger disappeared and Yuki walked past them again, mumbling incoherently. Kyo and Tohru exchanged glances and hurried after him.

-

It took Sasuke several minutes to realize Naruto had stopped moving. He tried to open his eyes, but his body protested to even the smallest movements. So he simply lied still while Sakura shrieked her head off. "Oh my god! Naruto, what did you _do_ to him!"

"I didn't do anything! _He_ couldn't keep up!"

Sasuke clamped his hands over his ears, ignoring the pain that came with moving. _Good lord, why the hell do they have to scream like that? Can't they discuss the situation while whispering?_

Thankfully, Kakashi interrupted Naruto and Sakura's shouting match. "C'mon guys. Enough fighting. We're running late."

At this, Naruto and Sakura lapsed into even _more_ yelling, this time at Kakashi. Sasuke wondered if he had enough strength left to grab a kunai out of his belt and drive it through his skull. He tried, but it was too much. Kakashi noticed that he wasn't moving and poked him with his toe. "Hey, Sasuke... are you alright?"

Sakura was the second person to notice Sasuke's immobility. She threw herself on him and shook him until he wondered why his brains hadn't poured out his ears yet. "Sasuke! Are you okay! Speak to me!"

"Get... off... pain... ow..."

Sakura dropped him as if she had been burned, and Sasuke weakly got to his feet. Somehow, his brief period of motion had shaken a small amount of strength into him, even if he now had the overwhelming urge to barf. _Shouldn't have had pancakes. Even if they did look more appealing than saltine crackers and water._ "Okay... what's for today, sensei?" he asked, steadying himself.

"You don't exactly look at your best," Kakashi stated bluntly. "Maybe you should go home and rest." To Sasuke's ears, his voice sounded slurred, and it took a second for him to figure out what he had said.

He blinked. _Since when is Kakashi a twin?_ "N-no, I'm... fine. Just fine..." Suddenly, his vision blurred and the ground swam out of sight. Then, all went black.

-

Yuki wasn't quite sure how he had gotten to his seat. His memory was foggy at best. He listened with waning attention as the teacher took attendance.

Kyo had taken up the mission of snapping Yuki out of his daze by flicking paper wads at his head. He found he could make him blink by flicking them hard enough, but that was the only response.

"Sohma-san? Could you do number twelve on the board, please?"

Yuki rose, zombie-like, and stumbled up to the board. He had the chalk halfway up to the board when Kyo and Tohru noticed him falter.

That was the only warning they had before he pitched backwards, out like a light.

**to be continued…**

---

**Author's Note:** Woo! Cliffhanger! Well... not really. Kinda. But my overly obvious summary tells you what's going on.

If you think that Yuki seems even worse off than Sasuke, then you're right. I figured since Yuki isn't a ninja and has weak bronchial tubes, he'd have a worse time fighting the flu.

Also, some people mentioned that Tohru seemed kinda stupid last chapter. There used to be a very bad reason for this. But now there is a good one! It's mentioned somewhere in this chapter, if you can find it.


End file.
